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Queen Bee - Postpartum Denial

by Summer Rae (follow)
Parenting (50)     
All I want to do is write
Write, dance and paint
But somehow my senses have lost their sight

I'm sluggish and heavy
But rapid and moving.
I try to paint and draw fairies like I use to
But my lines are dull wobbled and askew.

I have two beautiful toddlers,
They cry and cry and question.
They want to be held,
But I find it hard to keep still.
It's like I've lost part of my free will.

I want my skills back,
I want my relaxed aura to return.
I don't want to smoke again and again and burn.

I want to be loving, easy going, sweet and patient.
I don't know why my body and mind have to be so compatient.

My partners fed up,
Our savings getting eaten,
As daycare is a savior
For a bipolar scared mother not wanting to be beaten.

The illness is still unclaimed.
I don't want it, it's just a coincidence or something...
How long will denial keep me dancing through before I feel maimed?

My partner says he can't handle a third episode,
So I'm always worried for my future.
I want to feel supported and always secure.

We got engaged three months after becoming friends,
He wanted to spend his forever with me
And for our ecstasy to never end.

Three years has passed with depression, manias, births and moves.
We've studied, worked and been having fun.
But things have been strained,
And he's feeling drained.

At least my parents are closer,
But still I'm isolated in a new town
I need to find my crown,
Be that Queen Bee that all woman should see,
The one with confidence, ease, happiness, passion, proudness and fashion.

One day it may happen,
All my dreams may mix together and create the perfect moment
But maybe that's it, life is moments
Not a constant flow
There's always a low
Isn't that so?

Just keep rolling on with each day and night,
And find a small glimmer of hope and light.
Joy is the key.
Small moments of joy, you will see!
Because that is life, isn't it?
Now, how about a cup of tea?!


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